When I married in my early twenties and got on a plane leaving my sweet parents teary eyed and waving at the gate, I felt so sorry for them. I thought, man, I’ve just broken their hearts. They may not get past me leaving them. What are they going to do when we’re all gone? How will they cope? Will they be lonely? I mean, how will they fill those quiet days? Bless them! They’re gonna wander around lost just searching for another little old couple to go out for dinner with. Maybe they can learn to play bridge or take up knitting…They are gonna struggle because it is I, and my sisters, that keep them laughing, busy and happy!
Y’all…
Here’s the reality…I was OH SO WRONG. Being middle aged is not the same as being one hundred years old, folks! When our children left home, Hubs and I sure did have tears. But, if I were to be completely transparent, I’d say that we were feeling about 33 % nostalgia, 33% pure exhaustion from raising them, and 34% absolute JOY that we had our lives back!
If Eldest, Middleman, and Least of Beast are reading this, ya might want to click out.
I’m a woman. I am a wooooooman! Somehow, that gets a little confused in our minds as we are birthing, raising, and sending off all those little creations. But, never fear, she’s in there. The man that I fell head over heals in love with is still in there too. We kinda pushed our sexuality off to the side for a while. Unintentionally of course. I mean, we had to keep those creatures alive in order to continue life here on earth, so most of the time, they had to be dealt with first! Our focus had to be on them so much of the time! But, the love that God created between a man and a woman doesn’t have an expiration date. And, that kind of a relationship will be something we crave whether we are single, married, divorced or widowed. The want to be wanted and adored is just something ingrained.
So, we are like well over half way thru our lives but the romance now is similar to that of our twenties. I would go so far as to say even BETTER. See, I can look in the mirror and see my reflection differently now. I am beautiful. Scars and curves included. I no longer measure my worth with the measurements on the scale like I did as a younger woman. Contrary to what my younger me had to face, my body can no longer be considered necessary as anything other than the vehicle of MY time on earth and a lover to MY Hubs. If ya don’t put yourself up against super models or Moms that drop their 30 pound weight gain in a month, you can see yourself as a warrior woman having done the impossible! I married, created humans, kept them alive, launched them, and still have lived to tell the story.
Yes, menopause stinks at times, not gonna lie and am planning many more posts about it, and yet it’s purpose is set to be a clear reminder that a phase of my life is complete. I consider it a blessing not a curse. I am married to a man who is totally okay with three fans going at once and some tears that fall on my weaker days! With this change comes a rebirth. I am a new creation. One that is wise and matriarchal. One that is confident and peaceful. One that gets life and appreciates its ups and downs. One that sees those who are older as even more wise than herself. Gone are the days of the insecure Evelyn of Fried Green Tomatoes. I want no woman to feel crazy, ugly, and untouchable. She should be considered revered!
Hubs and I are flirty at 50! That flirtation is coupled with plenty of TIME to show affection. We now talk about our relationship in our home during the day light (scandalous!). We choose to sleep or NOT sleep whenever we wish and are not tired the next day because the children want fruit loops and cartoons at 6 a.m. There are no carpools, or ballgames, or late nights waiting for the kids to drive up so we can sleep. We don’t have worries about upward mobility in the work place as all that stuff has slowly begun to wind down! And, we don’t have social aspirations of big parties and popularity! We can focus on being man and woman, partners. He is my “Ride or Die” and I am his!
So…Here are some of truths I see in middle aged sexuality…
- You can and will want to have sex more often after your kids are gone. They are the ones who gave you that “headache”. 🙂 Libido is not something that vanishes when gray hair appears! Trust me!
- You don’t age in your brain. While I am 50, I don’t feel 50. Single, divorced, widowed, or married folks will all tell you the same thing. In our minds, we are between 18-22 years old! No lie! Time freezes in our souls.
- We love our children and want them home for visits but, they are not the end all to beat all! They are an extension of a love that was there well before they were even considered. We are men and woman, not solely parents.
- Love gets easier, sweeter, and deeper in purpose the older you are. My parents told me this, but I had no idea! If you’re not there, just wait!
- Life slowing down isn’t a bad thing. The rush of youth makes you miss the beauty around you. That husband or wife that you rushed by heading to the car, or the sleepy eyed lover who rolled away from you in your thirties? They are still there, and in your fifties, they are gonna pay more attention to you now that life has slowed down! They will be the one you grab a hold of over coffee in the morning and cling in bed with each night. It’s so terrifically romantic!
So, to the starry eyed lovers who feel sorry for us old folks, don’t! We were young and naive once too! Now, we are giggling and having the best sex of our lives! And, to the former middle aged generation of whom I judged as if they were as old as Methuselah? I’m so sorry and trying to right my wrongs! YOUNGER GENERATION, this is What’s Next! Look forward to it!!!
Please comment, like and share! The more clicks, the more I feel like I am saying something y’all like to hear!
